I think forgot the purpose of my blog. It is MY blog after all, but I started writing things for everyone else to read rather than using it as ‘My Internal Outbox’. Perhaps there are things I shouldn’t share on the internet, but then again, I’m not too concerned about who might be reading this, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing it.
I started online dating about two or three weeks back because I finally got over my ex-fiancé and felt like I should start dating again. The problem is that when you’re out of the dating scene for 6 months, not in school or a place to meet people frequently, your options for dating are dwindled down to about zilch. I also wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to date and so online dating seemed like an appropriate way to ease my way into things.
I have met some rather interesting people to say the least. There haven’t been too many girls that have really grabbed my attention to be completely honest, but there was this one girl that just blew me away. She is funny, attractive, sweet, dedicated to what she does and to the gospel and we even matched on EVERYTHING with those little online matching surveys. It goes without saying that there was chemistry. We talked almost every day for about two weeks and then decided we should meet in person.
Last night was the date. I will spare too many details but it was a simple date: dinner followed by some fun at an arcade type place. She was easy to talk to and even more beautiful in person. It was a good night and it left me with a smile.
I got an email from her tonight letting me know that she didn’t want to lead me on or make me believe that there would be any chance of us progressing. While reading that email I quietly said to myself, ‘Why couldn’t God have granted me just an inch or two more in height?’ and then laughed a little. I still think she is one of the most incredible girls I have met and am a little disheartened that nothing more than friendship will come of us, but I am grateful she was honest with me.
It also made me realize a few things…
First. When you know what you want there is no point in settling for anything less. Do I think that this girl and I would have made a great couple? Yes! I think the chemistry was there, but I just didn’t measure up. Literally! Haha! She wants a guy who is taller than her and that isn’t me. Why should she need to compromise when she knows what she wants? It was a great lesson to be learned.
Second. I have a lot more preparation to do than I had realized. I think that because I am still fresh to the dating scene everything is so new and exciting and I let myself get caught up in the emotion and the rush of things rather than being grounded.
Third. I been pondering a lot lately as to whether or not I am actually ready for marriage. Am I the best me? Am I comfortable with where my life is going? Am I to the point that I am ready to share my life with someone else? Am I the guy that my future wife will love without reservation? Am I progressing, or am I allowing myself to feel like I’m progressing when really everything is simply moving around me?
So here I am. I know what I want I just don’t know where to look to find it.
That is half of the beauty of life though; finding answers to your questions and living your dreams.